Strong Feelings

The first time I heard a leader say, "I don’t have strong feelings about that," I was really surprised. In fact, my initial reaction was, Is that allowed? I always thought leaders had to be decisive and passionate - required to take a firm stance on every issue. But to be clear, this leader wasn’t apathetic or uninterested - in fact, quite the opposite. She was thoughtful, measured, and sought out information about both sides of the issue. Yet, when she still felt neutral and could live with either outcome, she leaned in to other leaders who had the right expertise to make the decision. Mind blown.

It turns out, not having strong feelings about everything isn’t just acceptable - it’s freeing. It allows us to focus on what truly matters. And honestly, it reduces stress. Finding yourself in the middle means you’re not consumed by passion, and you’re not stuck in indifference. 

The “Middle” - A Dirty Word? 

We live in a world with a constant pull toward extremes. The media amplifies the loudest voices. We’ve come to revere those who articulate their case with conviction, as if passion automatically makes an argument more credible. This pressure pushes us to believe that only one version of a story can be valid - you’re all in or completely out, right or wrong, good or bad…with no room for anything in the middle. But why?

People seem to assume that if you’re not passionate about one side or the other, you’re either uninformed or uncaring. I reject that idea. I don’t have strong feelings about a lot of things - even as a leader - and I don’t think that makes me ineffective. In my experience, finding yourself in the middle creates space to see the bigger picture and understand both sides. It doesn’t make me wishy-washy. I hope it makes me thoughtful. And as a leader, it opens up space for my team to play a more significant role and practice their own leadership skills. 

The truth is, life rarely fits neatly into black-and-white categories. Yet, there’s an expectation to pick a side on everything - politics (radical right or liberal left), culture (cats vs. dogs), food (pineapple on pizza?). Let’s take college sports. I really enjoy watching college football. Big fan. Add in a beer with salt and lime, and it’s one of my favorite ways to spend a Saturday afternoon. However, outside of a few favorite teams based on my personal connections (Falcons, Longhorns, and Tigers), I don’t have strong feelings about specific teams. This is very concerning to some of my friends. (You know who you are!) I mostly want all the Texas teams to do well. After that, I cheer obnoxiously for the offense. Go, go, go! It makes every game fun. 

Use the Middle to Your Advantage

Getting comfortable with the middle allows us to practice selective (dare I say authentic) passion. It frees us up to focus on the places where we can make the biggest difference. It helps us align with our core values rather than trying to fake enthusiasm or force investment in things that don’t genuinely resonate. In our personal lives, this equals living with greater fulfillment and authenticity - we can direct our energy toward the things that have the most impact. As leaders, it allows better decisions, stronger teams, and ultimately, better results.

Imagine adopting this middle philosophy when it comes to your commitments. Now you have the permission to say “yes” to those things that matter most. More “yes” to volunteering for the PTA at your child’s school and more “no” to serving on a board that helps victims of natural disasters. BOTH of these causes are important. But at this moment in time, which opportunity takes you out of neutral, and sends you into a wholehearted YES?  

In business, this strategy can also be an asset. Embracing the middle gives you the ability to trust others, delegate some decisions, and remain open to a range of possibilities. This isn’t indifference - it’s intentionality. It’s about letting go of the decisions that don’t require your strongest skill sets so you can double down on what does. It builds stronger teams by equipping emerging leaders with the experience they need to make decisions and implement key projects. 

Make Your List

Let’s put this into practice. Take a moment to ask yourself, “What am I passionate about? Where am I willing to fight, innovate, or invest heavily? And what are the areas where I’m just neutral?”

Here’s an excerpt from my list:

Strong Feelings

1. Supporting my daughters’ education and growth (whether that means accepting a leadership role on the booster club or staying up late to help polish an important essay)
2. Having a strong work ethic and being dependable - two of my core values
3. Playing devil’s advocate and asking questions that force people to see a different perspective (this is an important and sometimes uncomfortable role) 
4. Grated cheese (because the pre-gated stuff has a weird film on it and never melts correctly)

No Strong Feelings

1. Our daughters’ next steps in life (Ok - that’s not really true. I do have strong feelings about this, but I’m trying to figure out my role. I know they’re almost grown, and this is their journey to shape based on their passions - not mine. But staying in the middle here is hard)
2. Fonts (honestly, my creative team has a much better eye for this stuff, and I think most fonts look about the same)
3. Having the perfect containers, with perfect labels, to support a perfectly organized pantry (I gave it a shot. It just didn’t spark enough joy)
4. Popcorn ceilings (There, I said it. We have popcorn ceilings, and I don’t even care. I think they’re fine!)

There’s Power in the Middle

By letting go of the need to feel strongly about everything, you free yourself - and your team - to focus on what truly matters. Strong feelings should be reserved for the things that align with your mission and values, not the countless distractions that come your way.

So the next time a decision or issue arises, ask yourself: Do I have strong feelings about this? If the answer is no, consider delegating, streamlining, or simply letting it go. Sometimes, embracing the middle is the most strategic choice you can make.

Now it’s your turn. I’d love to see your list. Let’s share our passion points, middle moments, and maybe even your thoughts about grated cheese!